College Pharmacy Newsletter

Volume 20 - December 2004


	'Twas the night before menopause, when all through the house, A strange creature was stirring, not much like a mouse, The stockings were hung by the chimney with care, In hopes that St. Hormone soon would be there. The children were nestled all snug in their beds, While visions of a sane mom danced in their heads; And mamma in her night sweats, with sleep just a dream, Had just settled down to some chocolate 'n cream. When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter, I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter. Away to the window I flew with a hot flash. Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash. The moon on my sagging breasts amid new-fallen snow Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below. When I saw what certainly would make me merry, 'Twas a miniature fairy bearing Ben & Jerry's. She was a little old lady, so full of joy, I knew in a moment it wasn't the soy, Perky and happy, she was in a great mood, I wondered what substance had done her such good. "Now estrogen! Now, progesterone! Now, testosterone! All three! The hormones! You need them," she said. "Believe me!" To the doctor! To the pharmacy! You must make haste! Forget that you have a big turkey to baste. Her eyes, how they twinkled! Her dimples how merry! Her cheeks were like roses, her nose like a cherry! (on a hot-fudge sundae) Her droll little mouth was drawn up in a smile, And the hairs on her chin had been gone for awhile. She wasn't chubby and plump, but sexy and svelte, I had hope when I saw her, in spite of myself. A wink of her eye and a twist of her head, Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread. She spoke not a word, but went straight to her work, And filled all my stockings, then turned with a jerk, And laying her finger aside of her nose, And giving a nod, up the chimney she rose. She sprang to her Jeep, pleased with her cause, Never defeated by the beast of menopause, And I heard her exclaim, as she roared out of sight, "Happy Hormones to All, and to All a Good Night!"
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